Just a thank you.. I think.
This year was a game changer for me.
It would appear that each of my children has been a catalyst in my understanding of baby sleep. Moving and shifting everything I thought I knew about it.
This year with Theo was no exception.
I truly hoped that this baby would be my, “sleeper”. It turns out - I don’t make those kind.. And reading 29 different infant sleep books is in NO WAY a guarantee that you will produce a sleeping baby! So no, I’m not going for the 3rd in hopes of seeing what it is like to have a magic unicorn who sleeps 12 hours by 12 weeks. I’ve seen them in my practice. They exist. Ha. They just don’t exist in the Rabb household.
I think it was a good exercise for me to relive the same level of sleep deprivation I suffered with my first. To be honest, I think I slept less with Theo than I did with Halle, but I worried about it less! And that helped A LOT! I had lots of people rooting for me.. And I believed his sleep was absolutely normal - just infant like - and not as a result of me being a f*ck up of a mom. That was a nice place to be.
There were nights where I felt like I was playing whack-a-mole. Walking the halls, diving into my bed, just to be woken the moment my head hit the pillow to attend to one of the two. With my husband travelling the world doing exploration geology, I truly felt there were nights I maybe slept 2 minutes, only to wake up and repeat it all the next day.
Nighttime parenting is never easy. Of course I would rather be in my bed, asleep. I love sleep. I value sleep. I feel like I cannot function without it. Probably what led me to this little “side gig” in the first place.
There were times where I was tempted to turn off the monitor and just let my baby cry. Times where I thought - “you’re just crying in my arms again.. What is the point?!” But somehow, I persevered.
Well - there was that one night I forgot to turn the monitor on. It also happened to be the first time he slept 7 hours.. I think?! Oops!
But really, I pushed on. I knew that when the time was right for him (and me), we would work together and he would become a beautiful sleeper.
But really, true sleep deprivation is no joke.
Okay, I don’t know what the point of this blog post is. I am down a rabbit hole I think. Will I be able to get myself out?
What was starting off as a “thank you” of sorts, is now taking a turn in typical Lara fashion.
But really. Thank you to every family who followed along with me this year. Who watched me navigate sleep deprivation for the second time. Who watched me wake with my son, attend to my daughter, and cheered me on through the highs and lows of raw motherhood.
Thank you for reading my blogs, sharing them, watching my stupid stories on instagram, and liking my posts.
This was a year where I felt a true connection with the community I am serving, and that I started to just be regular, old, me.. In all aspects of the sleep work I do, and in my personal life as well.
Maybe I’m just getting older.
Maybe I’m just more comfortable as a mom.
Maybe I’m just getting more comfortable with the uncomfortableness that is baby sleep, when you’re not trying to control every aspect of it.
Maybe it is having a strong village, even if they mostly exist on the internet.
But I loved 2017. I am proud of everything Heavy Eyes Happy Hearts has become this year, and I have YOU to thank for being alongside me.
So thank you for being with me, trusting me, and watching me sort this all out.
This little business is starting to feel bigger than me. And that is a pretty exciting place to be.